NEW LINES IN THE SAND, a story

Ever heard anyone say, “I am drawing a line in the sand?”  Kids see this as a start or finish line for a race or game they are doing together.  Adults generally accept that neither party will cross this line nor encroach in any way into the other’s side.  It also implies that if you cross this imaginary line, the other will ‘or else’ you.  I always wonder what ‘or else’ means knowing that it could be anything since it is a vague threat of harm (at least from an adult perspective).  Do you have lines that you have drawn in the sand?  Mine lines are ones that I drew for myself.  There is no other entity per say on the other side. I use my line to help guide me to stay whole and together on one side.  Sometimes parts of me cross my own line and when it does, the unintended ‘or else’ whacks me upside my head.

Most of my lines have washed away over linear time.  They vanished in a wave of integration when they become a full part of my being to where I no longer had to consciously catch myself.  These vanished lines became a part of my value base.  I drew another line for myself about 20 months ago.

I had had many releasing and self-evolving moments occurring in a wondrous flurry prior to drawing the new line.  Some experiences were not understandable on an emotional basis.  Most times, like most of us humans, I could intellectualize the change and logically view the silver linings but what I noticed is that I could not feel some of them.  I asked for guidance from Spirit.  I kept asking.  Nothing, so I let it go.  Whenever an answer does not come to my conscious mind, I know it is not my time, yet, to know so it becomes easy to let any compulsion to know go.

At this same time I was working a federal grant contract that was infected with bullies.  It was amazing to see the very clear duality split between those who were afraid and thus bullying and those that were loving and thus, targets.  Complaining and bad mouthing behind the bully’s backs began to infect the loving.  The constant pressure and behavior of the bullies was working.  It was turning the loving toward the dark side.  I did my best to persuade the ‘victims’ to join together and present the facts (including highly illegal behaviors) to authorities and the public so that attention would be place on no tolerance for harmful behavior.  Most panicked because a majority of the damaging bullies were paid more and in positions of power, including law enforcement, judges, directors and the like.   I suggested that I start the process with draft facts then each could add their proofs and once completed, we would join as a force, all sign and send it up the chain to get some sort of resolution.  All agreed and seemed to feel released knowing now the energy and abuse was beginning to move away from them.  The draft and inputs were done.  The final document and agreed places to send it to were done.  It was time for signatures.

No one signed.  They remained scared of retaliation.  Their fears were based on current behaviors and treatment of others who had spoken the truth but too it was based on personal issues, mostly money to support their families.  Few could make a stand because they needed the paycheck and could not survive on merger firing unemployment income if they got it nor could they withstand a firing on their employment record.  All were actively looking for other work.  No one wanted a drawn out, poverty laden law suit for wrongful firing either.  At the same time the economy was tanking and more and more people were being forced into a mindset of slavery and lack.  Economic fear propaganda was absolutely everywhere worldwide.  My disappointment was extreme.  It was extreme because we would have been strong in numbers.  It was also extreme because the proof facts, editing and consequent action recommendations the loving put together was loving toward the offenders. 

The documents did not bash anyone.  Rather it spoke to actual behaviors, all witnessed or with a paper trail and how these actions went against policy.  The bullies, by policy would have a chance to correct their behaviors and actually had opportunities in this for counseling and additional job training.  More than the loving had to work with by bringing the toxic work environment to the top brass.  The toxic environment was readily known in the workforce because it polluted and maligned every aspect of daily life.  The loving presumed that maybe the top did not know because they were not immersed in it on a regular basis.

Alone, I sent it to the selected people as we had all agreed and followed policy for harassment and complaints.  The loving were scared for me.  At times I noticed they were even shielding me from harm in their own ways.  Since these personnel matters are strictly private, I thought everything was improving.  The fact was, those who did not have the courage to sign felt guilty and thus were taking the brunt of bully behaviors.  This happy fabricated illusion did not last long.

The Director, whose umbrella covered the entirety of the department, moved offices and people around to separate the bullies and have them corralled together in their own swill;  subtle move like separating bullies on a playground.  The problem was their new area was like a war headquarters and they only got stronger and were able to cheat taxpayer time by floating in and out the back door whenever they wanted.  Another word, this move was viewed as favoring the bullies.  The next move was to bring the bully leaders in for a formal HR write up and corrective action.  The only served to fuel them.  The pollution thickened with several of the loving who did exceptional work, being so stressed they quit.  The bullies that did pretend to do their corrective action measures were skilled manipulators and simply got the meek to sign off without them actually doing what was requested.  An anonymous complaint box was placed in the hallway near the bathroom.  Apparently this box was overflowing at the end of each week.  Digesting all the complaints, compiling them then investigating their validly became a full time job for HR and began stealing much of the Directors time.  More written reprimands were given.  Nothing changed.  The bullies were very smug, as if they had this all planned out. 

Finally, the Director fired the bully General.  He had been there for over 20 years but one particular aspect of his behaviors was constant supplanting of government funds and this one was clear as being highly unethical and illegal.  Supplanting is when you invoice several different funds, all with strict regulations, for the same reimbursements and purpose and pocket the balance.   None of the staff even knew of the firing because he was always gone somewhere unknown slipping out the back door like a robber in the night.  That is, until the next evening.  On the local news the General had, in less than 24 hours, put together a counter suit for wrongful firing, workplace harassment and charged the Director with a slander suit.  He had called the TV station and since he was always stepping in front of doers on camera to take credit for work others had done, they accommodated him.  Well, the cat was out of the bag. Rumors were flying.  The next day, the CEO of the local city-county government reinstated him.  He would not be doing any work during this time nor be on the job in traditional terms (they gave him a bogus title with no tasks to do) but would be paid his current wage plus benefits salary regardless.  Off he went on travels gleeful and fat as the rest of the workforce, including the Director, CEO and a host of other new players had to deal with the fallout.  Score bully.  This is still the case almost two years later as the proceedings drag on and on.

When the authorities asked for affidavits from staff, people were still scared because they live in the same community as this bully and his lies and manipulations were well known to be effective.  He was connected presumably (rumor) by virtue of the blackmail information he had on people in power positions.  I stepped up demanding an impartial investigation from an outside entity.  This was done.  Many provided inputs to the charges and defense of the Director but none would do a formal affidavit and were told that they may, however, then be called up as a hostile witness.  Oh the drama.  I felt compelled to do so.

And there it was, those prior unknown feelings placed right in front of my mind’s eye; clear as the water welling up in my eyes.  I had drawn a line in the sand for myself and did not even know it.  I would no longer, no matter the consequence, be a party in any way to anything that promoted fear.  Out of my mouth as soon as the clarity light struck I said, “I cannot be a party to fear mongering.”  Then I sat down relieved and amazed at this flash of knowing.  It was absolute truth for me.  “Yes, I would stand in court on her behalf and represent the collective when his and her case goes to trial.”  Then I heard some devastating news via the rumor grapevine.

It was highly likely that his case against her would be dropped and the disparagement the department was dealing with from his constant fall out, would stop but only if they settled and paid him out of his employment with benefits.  He had 6 years to retirement and already had nearly two years of full pay without really working.  The tax payers had and would pay for this and he would have no permanent damage to his record.  Normally, I would have fumed on behalf of the taxpayers but due to the joy I was still feeling from my clear revelation I suddenly channeled, “The harm he and others have caused this and other communities and all the people he has bullied over the years will be free.  Now maybe real heart felt and lasting change will have a chance and tax payer money will no longer be wasted. A new day has dawned.”   Since the department covered a 5 county area dealing primarily with the disadvantaged, you can grasp the magnitude of harm this man and his bully allies caused over two decades. The depressing indicator statistics and visible effects of their behavior, simply so they could perpetuate their importance and jobs, stood out amongst the nation.  Ironically, it was these dire statistics and conditions that continually landed them grants to fix the problem.  But then it struck me.  The Director must have chosen not to take the deal.  She was innocent completely.

My new line was causing cognitive dissonance within me right out of the gates of it becoming a full value based reality within me.  Right there, no more than five minutes from the joyous revelation, I had a decision to make.  Should I cross my own line or stand firm no matter the consequences?  I needed time to feel all the duality immediately within me.  So many other people would be affected one way or the other no matter what I did.  I took a slow walk down the hall.  I heard laughter.  I saw a group of kids doing yoga in the therapy room.  I smelled fresh baked cookies someone had brought for the staff. In later weeks, I noticed information on the wall near the HR office indicating the improvements the department had experienced since the General’s firing (even with the reinstatement to a nothing position); fundraising was up, youth initiatives had grown and receiving national recognition, community task forces were vibrant, more people were using the services than ever before and even crime from abuse and recidivism was way down.  Financial bleeding had decreased, productivity increased and the community became a champion of their own betterment to the point of pride in promoting the department.  There were cards, letters and emails from the people the department served or who were stakeholders within it.  I began to read.  Tears now flowed.

Even if people did not know of the inner toxic environment and consequent attempts to clean it up, the vibration of true caring and true receptivity was already reaching out into the community.  An overall intent of, “things are slowly getting better and so am I” leached out and was impressively improving quality assistance to those in need.

My new line to not cross; not being a party in any way to anything that harms, in this convoluted situation became apparent.  I had done all of this to shift the toxic environment and help everyone, including myself, to be free of oppression and it energetically was working.  The effects were evident on the walls and in the laughter and gratitude permeating the department.  If I went any farther than agreeing to stand up for my affidavit, I would be contributing to more harm.  With constant pressure from me, the bullies would have only been fueled more.  The true harm of continued pressure from me was to me and my family in terms of stress affecting emotional and physical health and my devoted time to family and sustainable projects outside of work I was participating in.  Harm to self is as important as harm to others.  Even though I tend to be more fearless and resilient than the majority, I do fully understand the loving having drawn their lines earlier.  It is where their threshold was.  We are all very different and each of us guides ourselves.  Many can be pressured as if they were imprisoned and disenfranchised and I feel this is an inculcated effect from the fear mongering and competitive demands replete in our environment.  Science has solidly proven that for any living organism, it is the environment that is the strongest influence of outcome, not base genetics.  Mass compliance to domination and competition through fear is rampant and difficult to distance yourself from.

My line has been there to guide me for the past 20 months.  It has not yet integrated.  I have to be vigilant and feel each situation out.  One area that this has proven challenging is in finding a right livelihood.  This line has, however, allowed me to dig deep into my gifts and expressions of them and know where I will compromise and where I will not.  I will not work for or with any entity that promotes fear and causes harm.  I am so over joyed with the birth of so many social entrepreneurs, benefit corporations, green focus, networking self and community cooperation movements.  It is so true that nature does NOT work from a base of completion and violence as we have been lead to believe (inculcate) but rather nature functions from an integral movement of cooperation, contribution and abundance.  We are all nature.  This is the way of our future survival.  My line is just a tad ahead of the curve at a time when they system still promotes survival of the bully’’.  It’s ok; there are millions, maybe billions of us in or moving toward this same no tolerance line.  When we don’t play, they have no one to bully for their own gain.  Times they are a changing.  Be at this frontier with us please.