https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-e6dOGtCIbCdmNYQlFxb3F4SEU
Joyous era to you all, to all life-forms, to all that vibrates in our manifesting dimension with blessings from above as is here ans so below.
We had a late family holiday gathering and wonderful dinner at my oldest daughters home. Everyone was in active conversation...four different conversations going on at once. My granddaughter was seated next to me because that is what she wanted. i adore her attention and playing with me. Everyone was digging in to the delightful and abundant food. Aurora sat there not eating at first even though her plate was ready. She reached over under the table and held my hand. "Grandma, we should pray." "Yes sweetie, we should." I was so heart warmed with her secret desire. Her family is not necessarily religious or spiritual nor has she experienced regular dinner time prayer. I tried to get every ones attention but failed so I told Aurora we could do so before pumpkin pie. She helped make home made whipping cream as the conversations continued. Lots of laughing. Her mom began to dish out sweets...the conversation roared on as did the accolades for the home made food. I tried again to insert Auroras wish to hold hands and give thanks. No one seemed to care and it struck me that it was just Aurora and I feeling the gratitude for everything in our lives. Too, that human side of me wiggled that ego voice in me saying, 'If you get loud and state that Aurora would like to say grace and has been trying the whole meal to do so, that everyone will presume I inserted this thought into her, that it was really me pushing for the prayer and not an initiation of a four year old.' I am a Reverend so their presumption would seem logical but the truth was, it was all Aurora. I never force a gratitude grace when in others homes. i respect their traditions and desires.
As I was driving home the 35 miles carefully in the dark my heart went to Aurora. She never got her prayer but she did seem to feel my heart warmth as we held hands saying nothing. I was so very disappointed in myself. Why was I so scared to speak up loud for Aurora and her desire? Why was I not assertive when she was spot on and filled with happiness and just wanted to basically say thank you? Did my heart thought melt into her and she then responded without a word spoken between the two of us and if so would this be me inserting my thoughts into her? Why did I not have the fortitude to put up with other peoples wrong presumptions and any consequent thinking they would invent about it like Mom is pushing her spiritual beliefs on our daughter...? Truth is, these are my perceptions and any wrong thinking backlash likely would not have occurred. Even if it did, knowing the clear truth that this desire came from her should be enough for me to withstand any on slot regardless. These tiny awareness's help to build ones resolve and courage. I notice all of them and do use all to further evolve my being. This one, that only she and I knew about was powerful. Aurora looked up to me knowing I would stand up for her so her voice was heard and I did not do it. She saw me try a bit but she knows me well enough to know that I could have done a better job of getting every ones attention. I resolve right here, right now, to always give voice to love and reverence no matter the misguided thinking of others.
I am going to call her right now and do a happy new year prayer and tell her I am sorry for not standing up for her desire to pray.
Amen
